


Show Yourself

by GoonMiracles



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spells & Enchantments, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22255645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoonMiracles/pseuds/GoonMiracles
Summary: Simon Snow pulls what is called a Gamer move,,,,I lean over and squint at the page and read what she’s pointing to; ‘Show Yourself’ it reads.“Penelope, I already know this spell, I’ve used it to try and find Baz at the beginning of the year in the catacombs.” I give her a look and she returns it ten times nastier.She presses her finger down again against the passage, which encourages me to keep reading;‘Show Yourself; Given the context in what way you choose to use this spell, it can be used to either find oneself, reveal someone's true motives, or reveal someone's true emotions.’
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 5
Kudos: 235





	Show Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Ok-- this is kind of OOC, but Baz needs a good cry and Simon Snow needs to realize that enough is enough. so I may have pushed some boundaries and I'm sorry for rushing the story at the end just a tad.

**Simon**

  
  
  


I’m well used to Penelope being annoyed with me by now.

She gets so fed up with me talking about Baz and his plots to kill me that she snaps whenever I bring up his name. She threatened to spell my mouth shut once, I don’t think she’d ever go through with doing something like that- but sometimes Penny is the scariest person in the world of Mages. Her annoyance towards my constant rambling was no different today when I sat down next to her at breakfast and blew up into another rant.

Baz had been showing signs of high suspicions and it’s been driving me mental trying to catch him in the act of something evil so I can report him to the mage. Whenever I confront him however, he puts on a passive face and claims he doesn’t know what I’m talking about- but I know he’s plotting  _ something _ . I can tell he’s been up to something by the way he looks; normally Baz looks calm and collected, and at times like a prick, but that’s besides the point. Recently, Baz has had a slight furrowed his brow and a twitch in his left eye whenever he sees me (I’m observant, not obsessive.).

Penelope grimaces at me as I continue to rant about him with my mouthful, I know she’s listening though- she always listens to my rants and here and there adds her quips but for the most part she tries to ignore me nowadays. Tries is the keyword, I’ve been told I’m irresistible.

Penelope looks down at her platter, her face still pulled into a disgusted expression, “Simon. Snow.” she says sternly, stopping me mid rant.

For a moment I think she’s actually going to spell my mouth shut but then she reaches down into her bag and pulls out a rather large old book. She flips it open towards the middle and starts flipping through the pages, I can’t help but look over her shoulder at it. She’s turning pages to fast for me to get a sense as to what the books about, but then she stops on a page and points a finger angrily towards a short passage near the bottom.

It’s a book of spells.

Not  _ just _ spells, old spells, spells that were used way back when magick was young and wild (not saying that it isn’t wild now.).

“Penn? What’s this?” I ask and she frowns at me.

“For the love of all things holy Simon, swallow- I refuse to talk to you with your mouth full.” she grumbles.

I swallow and ask again, “What’s this Penny? Why do you have this?” 

She sighs, “It’s just some light reading, read this.”

Light reading? The thing looks about ten pounds or something!

I lean over and squint at the page and read what she’s pointing to;  _ ‘Show Yourself’  _ it reads.

“Penelope, I already know this spell, I’ve used it to try and find Baz at the beginning of the year in the catacombs.” I give her a look and she returns it ten times nastier.

She presses her finger down again against the passage, which encourages me to keep reading;

_ ‘Show Yourself; Given the context in what way you choose to use this spell, it can be used to either find oneself, reveal someone's true motives, or reveal someone's true emotions.’ _

“What? Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? Context within spells?” 

Penelope sighs like I’m being daft, “You haven’t heard of it because it hardly works like this anymore- it’s an  _ old _ spell Simon.”

Now I frown, “Then why show me?”

“Because!” she throws her hands up, “You’re filled to the brim- no- overflowing all together! With magick! I bet if you tried, really tried, you could cast this…”

I don’t know when Penelope decided i was actually good at magick, but I appreciate it- and I appreciate her giving me an in as to what I can use against Baz. I smile at her and nudge her, “You’re a real mate Penelop--” 

“Do me a favor and not talk about Baz for the rest of the day-” She snarls.

I don’t.

___

I couldn’t wait to use this- I literally couldn’t, I wanted to blast Baz with the spell as soon as he entered the dorm. He had football practice, which meant it would be sometime before he came into the room, much to my dismay. I pace back and forth from the door to the window a few times with my wand in my hand, I just want to expose Baz as quick as possible, the quicker I expose him the quicker I can get him out of my life.

There's a thump outside the door and I freeze mid pace, I turn to face the door and my heart started racing; when I cast this spell I have to think of the context as to what I’m saying- casting- saying.

I want Baz to reveal his true motives! Or maybe- I want Baz to reveal his emotions, because maybe he'd explode (not literally, exploding is kind of  _ my _ thing.) and scream and yell and attack me, and the Anathema would kick him out! That idea really sounded like the ticket, I hope practice went bad and that he had one of the worst days of his life- so when I spell him he’ll practically turn into the hulk...or a big hulking vampire, at least then I could not only expose him to the Mage but he’d still be expelled from school.

The door doesn’t open- I’m not sure if I hallucinated someone coming to the door or what, but Baz isn’t strolling in like the priss he is… With his head held high and his posture straight and that condescending smirk gracing his stupidly perfect face. I really,  _ really  _ hope that he had the absolute worst most terrible horrible day…

  
  


**Baz**

  
  


I had the terrible...most horrible day.

Lately I haven’t been in a good mental place, and I also haven’t had any proper drink in somewhile due to my exhaustion I have from lack of sleep. Snow confronting me every five minutes about what my next plot is- usually is fun to deal with, now it’s just tiresome because I have to look into the eyes of the one I love the most and put him down.

I hadn’t had the energy to even say anything snarky to him (I have the decency to know when I’m being a prick, no matter what Snow says- I know I’m a prick.). 

Surprisingly enough I managed to drag myself out of bed this morning before Snow, and enjoyed a peaceful morning to myself sitting outside in the cool morning air. But nothing helps, none of what I do to try and make myself feel better about being a  _ monster _ ...ever helps. I’m sad, I’m tired, I’m jealous and I’ve never felt so ashamed to admit that I want to go home- crawl into my bed- sleep and never wake up. There's no one I can talk to about this- about how I  _ feel  _ but I don’t feel like talking about how I feel anyways.

It’s all so frustrating! It’s cursed horrible mind games that I put myself through- wanting to reach out but before I do I bite the hand that reaches out  _ for _ me. Quite literally in this case considering I haven’t really drank in a long while. 

Football practice was absolutely grueling and it drove me batty, I couldn’t keep up with the team during drills and at one point I thought I was going to collapse (The embarrassing part would be that if I did collapse, I wouldn’t get up.). Everything was hard, too hard right now; classes, practice, magick, my mother, me, sharing a room with the love of my life who will set me aflame if I ever try to kiss him. 

My bad mood started last week all over a cursed dream in which I kissed Simon- and then he blew me away. Before I could wake up, as I died in the dream I heard the voices of people I knew- all yelling at me about how much of a disgrace I was and how much of a monster I am. I woke up on the verge of tears but I refused to cry in front of Snow.

On my way to the room, right in front of the door- I do something fairly childish and just hit my head on the door to feel something. I rest my head there and just take deep breaths, no doubt that Snow was out with Bunce and Wellbelove somewhere I opened the door.

I’ve been wrong before.

Simon Snow stands there in the center of the room- big and confident; I’ve only seen him this sure of himself once and it was right before he did something that set him off…

“Baz-” he says, sternly.

“Snow-” I say, not nearly as stern as him, “I can’t do this right now-” I stop talking as soon as he raises his wand.

He smells like fire...so this is it? He’s finally hit his breaking point? I’m going to die here now?

“Baz-” he says again, just as sternly, “ **_Show Yourself-_ ** ”

I kind of want to laugh, he has to know that this isn’t the way to use that spell--

But then all of a sudden I’m hit with a wave of his magick- like a title wave of magick, and it’s the most suffocating thing that’s ever happened to me (And I was trapped inside of a coffin). I don’t even know what to feel at first, it’s sickening that he hit me with something in which I’m not too familiar with- I’m almost ashamed I don’t know what to expect, I  _ know _ this spell isn’t supposed to be used like this, he chased me with it all fifth year in the Catacombs.

I felt empty for a split moment, and then suddenly I’m overwhelmed with sadness and guilt and self loathing. I thought I felt bad before, I feel so much worse now- undeniably terrible- to the point where I think I’m going to die.

Snow is watching me intently, as if he’s  _ expecting _ me to explode. And in a way he’s right-

The sorrow I feel is just so unbearable that I take one look at Simon and just burst into tears.

  
  
  
  


**Simon**

  
  
  


As soon as Baz came into the room I forced my magick into the spell, I  _ demanded  _ it to work for me. And as soon as it hit Baz- for a moment it looked like nothing would happen, he just stood there with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. After a second he closed his mouth and I was startled to see his bottom lip start to quiver- like he was holding something back.

Then his eyes started to water and he pulled a face I’ve only ever seen children do when they’ve just had  _ enough _ of it. 

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch started crying, he just hung his head and started to fucking cry. Tears dripped down towards his shoes, some clung to his cheeks- he didn’t bother wiping them. He just stood in the door way and  _ cried _ , Baz Pitch, my evil vampire roommate- was crying!

I can honestly say I don’t even remember which kind of method I was using the spell in, I was torn between Show your motives and Show your emotions- I guess I went with the third method without even realizing.

Now I feel...terrible, because he’s really starting to cry now, to the point where he’s breathing too hard. 

Christ I’m a real wanker for doing this to him, I wanted him to be angry and attack me- maybe reveal that he was going to poison my tea or drain me of all my blood- but I never wanted him to cry. 

He looks like he’s anchored to the ground, I don’t know if that's the spell or if it’s just that he’s so upset that he can’t find the energy in himself to move. I dropped my wand to the floor as soon as I cast the spell- I consider picking it up and casting ‘ **_Move Along_ ** ’ to try and at least get him to move but I'm shocked by  _ him _ .

Before I even know I’m doing it, I’m walking up to Baz and pulling him into the room by the sleeve of his uniform, and shutting the door firmly behind him.

When I grabbed him it only made him cry harder, actually wail- he put his hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut tight. I set him on the bed and stood away from him, no doubt he’s probably furious with me for doing this- Curse him then try to help him, what a brilliant thing to do to someone.

Baz grabs fistfuls of his hair and musses it up by pulling it in front of his face, it’s almost like something out of a horror movie the way he sobs as he does it. He’s a pretty crier, a beautiful one, but he’s a phantom when he sobs. His breathing is too hard and fast, and I think he’s going to pass out if I don’t find a way to get him to calm down somehow- I remember- there were different ways of breaking the spell for each outcome; in this case scenario he has to talk about  _ why  _ he’s feeling the way he feels...he has to tell me why he’s so unbearably sad.

“Hey- Hey-” I try to get his attention but to no avail, he doesn’t look up at me, he just sinks lower and lower into his hands.

I run my hands through my hair, my heart is quite literally in my throat- I don’t know what to do to calm him down. Then I think about what I  _ wish _ someone would do when I was like this, hopeless and sad.

So I sit on his bed, right next to him and put my hand on his back, “Baz- I’m sorry, I’m so bloody sorry- Christ- I didn’t mean to do this to you- I’m so sorry, this is awful, I feel terrible, please, look at me- I’m a twat! I am- call me that! I know you want to, I deserve a punch to the face- I’ll let you toss me around outside if you need- Baz- I’m so sorry.”

I don’t  _ want  _ him to beat me, but I’d let him throw a punch, I deserve it- this was cruel (I’ve stooped down to his level back when he tried to feed me to a chimera) (No, I’ve stooped lower than that.).

“Hey, look at me.” If I had a mother, I’d want her to wipe my tears when I cried and asked me what was wrong, why I was crying- not tell me it’s okay before she knows what my problems are. I don’t expect Baz to talk to me, or even want me to touch him, but by some miracle he manages to look up at me.

Baz’s eyes are red and puffy, and he’s still crying, and breathing hard, I act fast to start wiping his tears with my thumb, he doesn’t jerk away though his eye twitches a bit as I made contact, “Baz.” I say softly, he hiccups but his sobs get softer.

“I’m sorry, that was a wanker move of me...I crossed a line…” I wish he would apologize to me when he made me feel terrible-- no that doesn’t matter now, right now  _ I’m  _ in the wrong.

Baz closes his eyes and pushes his face into my hand, I can’t help but feel my heart stop for a moment. He doesn’t stop crying, of course, I’ve never seen anyone look so vulnerable.

“Hey,” I’ve been saying Hey a lot, “Do you think you can try to even your breathing out? I think this is a self thing- I think- you need to get what's making you so upset off of your chest for the spell to end...can you tell me what’s wrong?”

If he were himself he’d say something snarky like, ‘ _ And what does it matter to you? _ ’ or ‘ _ That’s not your business Snow. _ ’ and it’s not, it isn’t at all.

Baz is struggling really hard to breathe correctly, he takes breaths in to sharply and chokes on air, “No, Baz- breathe in for four seconds…” I breathe in, “hold your breath for seven seconds…” I watch him and he struggles a bit but he manages to take in a breath and exhale, his eyes look so tired and irritated from crying. 

“Now breathe out for eight seconds…” he does, and we do this for a bit.

He manages to quiet down, but tears are still rolling off his cheeks and dripping off his chin, he shakes his head at me, my palm still against his cheek, “You absolute tosser…” he hiccups, “what gave you the right.” he hiccups again and takes in a shuddering breath, his bottom lip quivering.

“Nothing, no one, I shouldn’t have done this...It’s just you make me so paranoid and mad and- none of this is an excuse to invade your mental privacy…” I brush my thumb against his cheek and he shudders, “Baz, I promise, I won’t tell a single soul, I think you need to tell me what’s happening...”

“What do you mean what’s happening? You hit me with a spell!” he starts coughing again because he starts taking sharp breaths.

I manage to get him to get his breathing together again, “The spell enhanced what you were feeling Baz, you have to talk with me about everything that’s got you so...upset.” he scoffs.

I’m still holding his cheek in my hand.

I make a move to bring my hand back and he looks gutted, but then I run my hands through his hair in an attempt to fix it and he looks a bit better.

“Why’d you...do this?” he sniffs, tears dripping off his chin. It was  _ not _ fair how pretty he looked even after crying this much.

“I wanted to expose you for being a vampire- maybe if you were angry, have you attack me so teh Anathema would kick you out…” I admit.

He scoffs, “Wow, there's a thought.”

“I know, at the time it sounded good-”

“-that I could actually stay mad at you…” he manages to mumble.

I frown, “What was that?” 

Baz sighs, “I have to talk about what makes me so depressed right? To end this spell faster and then cast you silent for months on end..” he tries to snarl but his voice just goes soft and raspy.

I probably deserve it, maybe not an entire month but two weeks at best (Penny would appreciate the quiet.).

The fact I don’t say anything seems to make Baz a little nervous, “Right? You aren’t just messing with me Snow...This isn’t just some plot of you tricking me into information you can use against me?”

“It’s my job to call you out on plotting, not the other way around- but- No,” I shake my head, “no I’m not tricking you, I won’t tell anyone anything Baz, hell you can spell my memories away after this-- not all of it-” I add all too quickly.

He falls quiet again and sighed, “I’m having a bad week and an even worse day- and you are not helping…” he sneers, “following me around with accusations of me being a monster and that I’ll drain someone or something…”

_ Did he just admit to being a vampire? _ I want to slap myself.

I nudge him for encouragement and he grumbles before he goes on, “You think I don’t feel bad about what I am? Every day I have to live with the fact that if my mother were still alive she would’ve killed me- and if she didn’t kill me...she would never have looked at me the same… I have to live with the fact that I’m undead- some creature- and like you said...some  _ monster _ …”

“You’re not a monster-” I interrupt and he frowns.

“All you’ve been doing...for years...is called me a monster…” his cold glare sends shivers down my spine, “So shut up and let me talk...so I can stop crying…” he rubs at his eyes and I kind of want to cup his cheek again, he seemed a lot more calm with me touching him.

“My father doesn’t look at me like his son anymore, he hasn’t ever since I came home from the nursery… I think it’s me bing undead and a combination of me being the only son from the Grimm-Pitch family bloodline and not wanting to be with a woman- that’s why he doesn’t look at me like his son…” his brow furrows.

It takes me a second to process that,  _ oh he’s Gay _ , it doesn’t bother me but it clearly bothers him by the way he pulls a face.

“Sometimes you just don’t have good days, sometimes you don’t have good weeks..or months...or years...I can’t recall when my life had ever been really  _ really _ good- but I know it wasn’t always so...dark…” he shivers, “My step-mother says that’s just how it is sometimes and that everyone goes through it...all I needed to do was realize I wasn’t alone, and I know I’m not alone…” he shakily sighs and wails again- he covers his mouth.

He shakes his head viciously when I reach to touch him, he manages to calm down and snarls at me, “You couldn’t have hit me with that spell when I was royally pissed at you?!” his voice croaks.

I don’t say anything, I let him regain his composure cause clearly he isn’t finished talking about what bothers him.

“I...I’m head over heels in love with someone who will never return my feelings- ever- and it hurts me so much that I don't know how to cope...so when he looks at me, even if he’s just looking, I snap and bring him down.” he says this all so fast that I almost don’t catch it, clearly he’s embarrassed to admit it but it’s not like I know who he’s talking about.

He’s quiet and waits- and nothing happens, he lifts his head up to look at me, and I look at him; and for a moment I think he’s done it- broken the spell I mean. But our eyes meet and his start to water and he hangs his head and started weeping again.

Only this time his crying sounded different, he was quiet, his body shuddered with each breath and his bottom lip quivered, “Baz-” I say and I (cautiously now) reach out to tilt his head up. He lets me.

“Breathe…” I tell him, and he does, in and out, while keeping his eyes closed.

We sit in silence apart from the breathing exercises, I expect he’s going to tell me the last bit that’s bothering him in a bit but right now I’m letting him take his time because he really seems to not want to talk about it.

I think about how my touch affected him- how it made him calmer. I reach behind his head with my free hand and pull him into the crook of my neck. A voice in my head is screaming to get the bloody vampire away from my neck, but I can’t imagine pushing him away. His skin is so cold and clammy and I feel his tears against my skin, he presses himself against me as much as he can and I don’t know if he’s so invested in my touch because of the spell or because he genuinely wants my touch. 

Regardless neither of us pull away, I just held him as he sniffled and whimpered against me, everytime his body shook I’d rub his back- every time he wailed I’d hush him- every time his breathing turned harsh I’d breathe in deeply with him to help him calm down. And we just sat there, for a bit- before eventually Baz whispers so quietly- that if it weren’t dead silent in the room I wouldn’t have heard him;

“You’re the sun...and I’m crashing into you…”

I don’t quite know what to say, how to respond- if I  _ should _ respond.

I rub his back and he starts to quiet down, I spare a glance down at him and I can’t quite see his eyes but I don’t think he’s asleep. Here and there I feel something flutter against my neck and I thought they were tears but now I think it’s just Baz blinking- he’s pressed himself into me like I’m all he has. I guess in this moment I really am all that he has.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand that other people...are more than just how they act- penelope isn’t just snarky and smark, Agatha isn’t just pretty and quiet and Baz isn’t just snarky and cruel...their all human (in their  _ own _ way). I shift and Baz moves off my neck, clearing his throat- I didn’t want him to move I was just starting to get uncomfortable sitting so straight. 

He moves to sit by my side again and he looks embarrassed again, “I’m sorry- That was highly improper of me- I…” he blinks a few times, “I think the spell ended thank Crowley…” his voice is hoarse and he sounds utterly wrecked, that’s my fault.

“Don’t be sorry...it’s my fault you’re even in this position-” he looks at me and I shake my head, “I’m a real Twat I know...go on, spell my mouth shut...take me outside and throw me down the stairs again-” “-I didn’t  _ throw you _ down the stairs the first time-” “-or punch me, do whatever.”

Baz just stares at me, his eyes are watery and red but dammit all he still looks brilliant, and he does nothing, he just stares at me with those watery eyes and asks, “Why’d you do that?”

“I thought I could catch you red handed in some sort of scheme! I hadn’t expected you were...well...please don’t take this the wrong way but I didn’t know you could be so human…” I grimace and he blinks a few times before startling me by saying;

“That’s fair...I’m not to keen on...expressing myself...or are you saying you weren’t expecting me to be so human because I’m a vampire-”

“You admit it!”

“You already knew-” Baz gives me a small smile and my heart skips a beat.

His face is stained with tear streaks but he refuses to wipe them- so I do, I lean forward and wipe the tears from his cheeks and he grumbles, “You don’t have to play nice anymore, it’s over- you can go back to accusing me of plotting and what not...you can go tell the Mage I’m a vampire”

“Well- that just feels wrong now- and I’ve told the mage thousands of times you were a vampire and he hasn’t believed me any of those times so why should he believe me if I tell him now. I don’t care-”

Now Baz scoffs, “You don’t care that I’m a monster? That one thing you’ve been trying to prove for years?”

I click my tongue, “you aren’t a monster though- have you have ever bitten anyone?”

“No, my father would stake me...I’d stake myself.”

“And obviously you haven’t killed anyone.”

Baz gives me a look, “To your knowledge…” 

I return his look and he gives a small dry laugh, “No, no I haven’t killed anyone.”

“Then you aren’t a ‘monster- you’re the next best thing though-” I chuckle.

He frowns slightly, “And what would that be?”

“ _ Yourself _ ” 

Baz shoves me lightly but laughs nonetheless, “you prick.”

I laugh too and then we fall silent again just for a bit, it’s a bit awkward now- but I’m really trying hard for it not to be, “You know Baz, if you ever really  _ need _ someone to talk to- we can put our bickering aside and go on truce and just talk.” I look at him but he’s looking at his hands, “Baz?” I ask and it gets his attention.

“Yeah, yeah I heard...Simon can we just stop fighting all together?” his voice is stern.

There's a solid minute of silence as I process the question, “I don’t know- can you stop being an arrogant wanker to me every day?” 

“Can you stop accusing me of plotting?”

“Can you not tease me about failing my exams in classes?”

“Will you stop following me around campus with the sword of Mages?”

“Will  _ you  _ stop being such a suspicious bloke?”

“Only if you stop causing such a ruckus in the morning when you’re getting ready for school-”

“I can’t help if I trip!”

“Yes you can- I’m sure if you really  _ really  _ tried you’d be able to.”

I can’t help but laugh- Baz doesn’t smile as he adds;

“And...only if you never cast that spell on me again...or any spell for that matter.” his voice is dark as he says it and I can’t help but feel incredibly, horribly, terrible again.

I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and give a curt nod, “Yeah, yeah, never again- same here?”

Baz raises a brow, “You mean for me to not spell  _ you _ ? I think it’s fair if I spell you…”

“Please don’t-”

Baz grunts.

“I don’t want to fight you anymore either...literally all of that just took the fight right out of me…”

Now Baz scoffs, “Oh what a hero you are...you spelled me and my sobbing brought you into the light.”

Now I don’t know if we’re fighting or if he’s just trying to get a reaction- he said he didn’t want to fight but he’s always starting one. I know he wants a reaction, he’s allowing himself to get angry, maybe he’s already angry (he has a right to be). 

“Baz, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he says, “I’m still mad.”

I tilt my head to one side, I’ve had this question ever since I first cradled his cheek and now I have to ask, “Are you affection starved? Or whatever it’s called?” Out of nowhere I suddenly realize how close we are to one another.

Baz shrugs, “Probably.” he stands up and stretches his legs, “Grand...now I’m exhausted, mentally and emotionally.”

“Then sit back down.”

He doesn’t, instead he stands by the window.

So I stand up and stand next to him and put my hand on his back, “I’m sorry Baz, I really am…” 

“Now you just sound like a broken record, stop, I get it.” he glances at me and clears his throat, “It’s not okay, don’t worry about it though, move past it.”

I kiss him.

  
  
  


**Baz**

He kissed me-

Simon Snow is kissing  _ me _ .

I didn’t know what to do with my hands, I didn’t even process it when it was happening, I thought I had just imagined it. But I feel him when he pulls away and I pull him back by the neck just to keep kissing him. He seems relieved- his shoulders relax and Crowley…

Simon Snow is many things; daft, a pesk, a nightmare, the love of my life.

And he’s holding me by the waist and pressing his lips to my cheeks, I suppose he’s doing the dramatic thing where he’s kissing my tears away...Am I crying again?

I knew when the spell first ended. It ended when I confessed that I was in love with someone and it would never be returned; I felt fine...but then I looked at Simon and all my feelings just hit me too hard in a moment where I was too vulnerable. So I actually cried, I mean I was crying before that, sobbing even- but in this case...I cried in his arms and it felt so safe.

Simon’s pulled back now and we’re both staring at each other with wide eyes.

“I’m so sorry-” he says suddenly, “Oh my God- shit- I just remembered what you said-” he ducks his head and tried to take a step back but I hold onto him.

“Said what?” I ask, I sound so hoarse.

“That thing- That thing about the love of your life- that- wait- is that me?” he asks, “Is that why you kissed me?”

“You kissed me Snow…”

“You called me Simon before-” Snow smiles, he  _ knows _ .

I roll my eyes and he kisses my hand, “I’m so sorry I put you under that spell.” he says for the  _ final _ time, I’ll make sure of it.

“Okay- stop now Snow- you’re driving me nuts!”

“I’ve been driving you nuts for years!” he laughs, “And I’m never gonna stop driving you nuts...ever, even if you like- drop me off a cliff- I will come back through the veil and haunt you.”

“Crowley, I’d hire an exorcist.” those are for possessions, but still.

Simon sighs and guides my hands away from his neck, “No more casting you with spells.”

I grunted, “Good.”

  
  
  
  
  


“And you won’t be casting me with spells?”

“No promises Snow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please be sure to leave a Kudos or Comment letting me know what your thoughts were!


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